Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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