I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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