I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
