i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
