meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What a dumb baby whore.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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