somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
