break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
