I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
