When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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