i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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