i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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