Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize