You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
