I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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