I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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