Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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