I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
