I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
