I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
