First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
