I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
