Non-Jews are for practice
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
