Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
worst night to have a conscience
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I love you. Go after that dick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize