No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
