So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude i'm inner monologue high
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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