We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
