she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
