21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
