I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You surviving the open bar?
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you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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