But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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