i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
