im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
