god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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