I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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