Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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