ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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