I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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