You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
