i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
