if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
