Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
