I wish I only lived at night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
