Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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