we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
