jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
