So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
