When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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