im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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