dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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