question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
